my arms are overflowing

don't even know what to do with everything I'm lucky enough to have right now except say THANKS to you, you, and you too!!!

sweet, sappy balsamy goodness

Last year in the middle of one of many, many big fights, the boy who was living with me grabbed the tiny tree I had decorated and threw it across the room. It flew right past me and smashed against the wall. It was funny in a sickening kind of way. There'll be no tree toss this year! The jerk is gone and this tree is fucking HUUUUGE (like floor to ceiling huge!)!! And it's all colorful and sparkly and pretty. Good ol' tangetialism should have a photo for me soon. and the coolest thing is that we found it! Yep, rescued from an abandoned xmas tree sale 2 nights before xmas. A wintery booga dragged it home for us. He, he.

What an asshole you are

Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot. Shhheeesh. I told you someone said something complimentary about my work; It doesn't have anything to do with you. Why do you constantly have to compare it to yourself and act like somehow it makes you less good? I know that you think it gives you one up on me to mock me and scoff at my accomplishments but really it doesn't. It just makes me realize that you are another one of those people in my life who enjoy watching me float from here to there never believing that I'm really good at anything. Fuck you!

the soul of my drum was awakened

last night. Ahh, to hear her being played again! So great that she's mostly recovered from her long bout as an end table. I quietly thanked her for surviving the rough times and greeted her from this new place where I am respecting the things that are really of value to me.

busy as shit

these days. Feel like I'm always running and just checking my list quick on the way to see where it is I am rushing off to. I'm getting alot accomplished but I will definitely appreciate a good day of chillin' and indulging in too much food and mmmm, mulled wine. I'm counting the days on my advent calendar!

awh shit! it's SNOWING!!!

Gotta move quick but keep those feet on the ground. Last year I remember seeing this guy on the way to the L train one morning totally lose his grip and bust his ass. He was ok and laughed along with us laughing at him but that shit really sucks.

like trying to heat up an igloo

last night I was reminded of how hard it is to make it through the winter here. I swore I wouldn't, couldn't do it again. I'd die! Well, its creeping up fast and there's no point in running away. I've created circumstances that make sure I'm here alittle longer and I really don't mind. Its all smoothing itself out but NEXT winter......

you're so predictable

that's one of the reason you bored me so much. it's a game where i've figured out all the answers already so there's no fun in me even playing with you.

at least someone out there is reading this

but I don't know if I should thank you or tell you to go away. Some of this stuff is kind of revealing and I don't know if I'm ok with you seeing it especially when I'm stomping around throwing one of my temper tantrums. But it amuses me at the same time to think that you are interested in me and the shit I have to say.

Nyah, Nyah...Nyah, Nyah, Nyah!

What the fuck are you always so scared of? You run away screaming anytime you FEEL anything GOOD? Too scared to enjoy anything because you fear losing it? How cliche. I expected something more clever from the likes of you-the word master. Its such bullshit. Well, I'm way too tired to try and change people's minds in an attempt to rescue them from their own shit. You try and make it seem like it's so easy to detach yourself but I have this imprint in my mind of this HUGE smile that stared back at me from your face. It tells me that for at least those few seconds I GOTCHA!

I don't feel like being nice!

I just feel like smashing things! I wanna throw, punch, rip up and stomp on anything that reminds me of any shit that I don't want to deal with. It's so terrible that I've been back in this hellhole for only a few weeks and already I'm contaminated with this bad attitude. It feels so familiar to me I can't even imagine being any different. I don't want to bother giving a fuck about anyone. fuck you and you and YOU!

its been a blur

And a party for these past few weeks. How great to be enjoying the company of all these people and making progress in my life at the same time! Its nice to be surrounded by people doing cool shit they are excited about. I like how I've been swept up in the motion of it. So much that keeps me moving forward.

I'm in a cube,

At a desk, drinking coffee really early in the morning. Tralalalala...

'Don't fall asleep!'

was the thought ringing in my head after some crazy dream I had while I was waiting for my friend to bike across the bridge. I haven't been dreaming for a long time but lately they've been coming back. Must have something to do with this beautiful thing i have hanging on my window. who knows. maybe its the lack of pot before bed. smoked 3 cigarettes today, BAD!!

I'm so lucky

to have my eyes open and want to believe so much that I deserve all these amazing things that have been crossing my path. They keep coming so I am suffering from the 'it's too good to be true' syndrome. Though I'm not letting it scare me from sending more requests out into the universe. The power of my fears and my love are motivating me and I am determined to live a life in which I am fully my own.

I started

Something I don't know how I'll finish. A few things could fit on that list right now and I wonder what will come of them. There's only so much I can decide on my end. The sky is so clear today and all I can do is send my wishes out and sit here being warmed by the sun.

the sky at sunset

Here is gorgeous. The constant view of the sky in general is such a luxury. Finally using today to quiet my mind and sort my thoughts out.

ate a mediocre taco

And a slammin' tamale. Climbed some hills and returned a few smiles. Finally my shoes have dried. Tomorrow I have a few important missions to accomplish.

no burritos yet

but good company and alot of rain....

hurry up and wait

Don't really mind cause I'm not in a hurry and it's amusing to be in an airport where they tell me to mosey on over. Still I want to reach my destination and see what the next surprise holds for me. Hopefully there will be some infamous burritos involved!

perfect day for walking

with dogs and friends for hours burning up this excess energy. I was reminded of the changes autumn brings and how fast time carries us along. Hard not to marvel at the beauty of transformation that's constantly happenning all around and within me from one moment to the next.


all I ever wanted, vacation have to get away!

you have no idea how EVIL things can get!!!!!!!!

Such bitter words fallen from lips i once kissed.
I wish you could humbly sit with the pain of love lost and allow yourself to mourn it. Every angry word you utter only reveals to me how deeply I have touched you and reaffirms that I have to leave you behind.

I'm exhausted

from collecting shattered pieces of myself off the sidewalks of brooklyn. I've spent days plagued by insomnia trying desperately to stick myself back together in some kind of clever way.

hopefully the rain

washed all of the bullshit of the day way into the east river.

what's a better date

then seeing a flick where a guy gets his guts ripped out and eaten by zombies while his surviving friends beat their way out with bloody stumps that were his legs?!

don't know quite where i'm going

and its a blur where I've been. Just riding these waves waiting until they set me down somewhere I'll call home.

what do i do

when i can't get any privacy?
each time i try to go somewhere i look over my shoulder and someone's already standing there.