I wish everyday was like Sunday!

I feel soooo relaxed. Healthy and well fed. Soft, smooth, and unknotted too. I need to dedicate more days to pure indulgence like that! Hmmm, what do I have lined up for NEXT Sunday?!?! ha,ha.

It really bugs me

to think that you are reading this and makes me not want to bother writing.There's alot I want to say but don't want you to hear and it's so annoying to have to censor myself. Time is ticking quickly by so I assume I'll just keep getting over it. And you.

Snow Day!!!

Finally some fuckin snow up in this place! ha,ha. It was a fabulous day! Spent just the right amount of time running around in the snow, laying in bed, chatting, and reading a great book. So glad I got off early and had hours of unexpected leisure time. YES! A SNOW DAY!!!!

I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.

All in my shoulder bag: Wallet, Change purse/metrocard holder, cell phone, 3 pens(green, blue, and black), plastic knife and spoon, Cryptonomicon, a mannequin head, 24 cupcakes, and Betty Crocker rainbow chip frosting!


HAHAHAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *SIGH*

Been losing sleep over some dumb shit

It sucks on so many levels. I have to let it go but it's especially hard when I am embarassed in front of my own self. All I can do is accept the anxiety it makes me feel and let my brain take the time it needs to sort it out. I am so happy with so many aspects of my life right now so I can handle it in stride. It makes sense that things like this are surfacing. I am dealing with so much that I've ignored for so long so as one issue falls off the list another one surfaces. Its all good. I hope I can let it go soon though cause I'm so beat. I know I'm certainly someone who holds grudges- even against myself. Ugh!

When someone dies

it either brings a family closer together or breaks them apart. (At least that's what a friend told me.) I can see how it can be a time to re-evaluate and review all the wrongs that have been done to each other. I've been doing that alot lately in general but right now it's hitting really close to heart. Time isn't slowing down for me so i'm shovelling through the shit as fast as I can. After death I'm not going to get too many answers so I have to make appointments to run down my lists of questions NOW.

Had a great night

last night hanging out. I'm thankful that there's still alittle time in this hectic schedule for sitting around the kitchen table tossing up ideas for shit we're going to be working on in the next few months. LOOK out!

Thought I'd let you know

that Grandpa Lyons passed away at 5:30 tonight.

I think the last time I saw him was when I was in my early teens and went with my aunt and uncle from long island to his retirement home on their yearly visit. I don't remember much except that I never asked to go back.
I'm not so offended that I heard about it from a lousy email. I really don't care that much about his death. It just reminds me how emotionally incompetent and inconsiderate my family is.
There's so much hatred in our family and from what I can guess, alot of it came from this man. My grandmother left him, his children hated him (except maybe the ones who made their yearly visit to make sure they were still included in his will), and he spent the last part of his life being shipped to different homes because he couldn't behave himself, whatever that means.
When my grandmother died everyone took as much money and stuff as they could and openly admitted that they despised each other and never wanted to speak again. BOOM!!! This time I don't think there's much to fight over so all this will go down without including me.
I just wonder where this mess began and if it will ever end. I don't even know how to touch it. Why did we all fall apart? I can't believe that in 4 generations of us no one has any idea how to put this family back together again.

Thank you, I had a nice time.

Really, really I did! But lately, I'm trying to keep things real simple for myself and not waste time trying to find reason in everything. I just enjoy whatever and whenever I can. I have alot of trouble trusting in this world with all the bullshit flying around but I can at least recognize this truth in myself: I know that whatever this is between us will continue to disappoint me.

back in touch

with a few people that have been missing from my life for awhile. it's great to hear your voices again and know that I still relate to you in a very intimate way. It's nice to be reminded of my past especially at a time like this when I'm trying to sort out my life lessons and make sure I'm feeding off the postive aspects more than the negative ones. Thanks for still being my friend after years of growing up and all the bullshit it entails. So glad to know that you're doing an amazing job of surviving this life and contributing all the beauty you do.

Happy fuckin' new year!

Shit, its the new year and I'm sitting here crying 'cause MC Hammer preached in church and renewed Vince Neil's faith in prayer! How twisted and touching. Agh, I'm totally addicted to the Surreal LIfe in all it's brilliance! Anyway, this year's going to kick my ass like all the rest of them have but I'm letting myself have a blast so I'm looking forward to it. Everything right now seems so hysterical to me. I can't take anything too seriously. It's all coming and going way too quickly to waste time with that.