I hate getting fucked with

and one day my big mouth is going to get me in trouble.

But until then, FUCK YOU!

Don't give a fuck

about what anyone else is doing, just do your own shit!

Make it, build it, shred it, sell it- just do SOMEthing!

Maybe I need to start watching more TV

so I can enjoy the drama from afar rather than hunting it down and playing it out in my real life. I find crazy people fascinating but also find it so frustrating when I'm done being amused and just want them to "be normal." Grrrrrr.

I want to stop eating so many cookies, prepare more meals for myself, drink more water, dance more, collect more music, find more crazy (not mean) people, publish more stories, entertain Fatty more, call my family more, take a tropical vacation, and find reason to laugh my ass off more more more.

Am I???

Doing the right things? Making the right choices? Talking to the right people? Having fun in the right way?


Don't know if I'm ever really happy for more than a few moments at a time so I don't think I can claim to BE happy on any kind of permanent basis. I think things are going pretty well but just when I try to sit with that for awhile some dumb shit happens that makes me think I'm all fucked up again. Mental illness? Lifestyle? LIFE? Who can I blame around here?!

I forgot

how working out makes me so hyper. It feels so good! Prolly be hurtin' tomorrow though.

Reason #3379

why I need a digital camera: so I can show you me in my swanky new glasses!
They supa-fly!

I might have had enough cash to buy one if I hadn't tried to wash my phone down the drain! Oh well, someday it'll work out.

Been riding this streak

of weird/ bad luck. Hopefully it's coming to an end cause this shit's annoying. Hopefully I can blame it on my bad decisions and if I stop making them everything will fall back into place.

I got a long list of holiday party invites so at least that'll keep me distracted...

Reason #3291

I need a digital camera so I could have taken a photo of the food network holiday party invitation- imprinted on the top of a cupcake. Brilliant! How'd they do that anyway??

Now I've since eaten the cupcake (Minus the frosting which means I could have potentially saved the invite -it was way too sweet!) so I've got nothing to remember it by....ah, digital camera....someday you'll be mine...

I'm looking at you, you're looking at me...

I didn't walk away.
and if you're wondering why... I said I'd be there to wipe the tear from your eye.
Push me away.
Tell me to stay.
Can you imagine my confusion?
Well, I don't think you ever thought you could.
Don't think you ever thought you could.


Its been a while since ya came around,
Now ya wanna see whats goin' down.
Tryin' tell me how you want my time,
Tryin' tell me how i'm on your mind.

I remember how you did me wrong,
Now your hurtin' cuz my love is gone.
Everybody gets a chance to burn,
You can take it as a lesson learned.

Ain't that funny?

Lessons don't go away.

They keep presenting themselves
until we learn them.

Arrrrgh! I HATE THAT!!!


I didn't cause it,
I can't cure it
and I can't control it.

Sorry. It's so hard to believe sometimes but it's the only real truth.

Man walks down the street and falls in a hole.

He thinks, "How did I get here?" So he struggles and struggles, finally getting out of the hole. He goes home and goes to bed.

The next day, he gets up and walks down the same street. He sees the hole and keeps walking. In the hole he falls again. He thinks, "Now isn't this just great!" So he struggles and struggles again finding his way out of the hole. He goes home and goes to bed.

The next day, he gets up and walks toward the same street. He remembers the hole. He chooses another street.

I want it NOW!

In general, I like to think that I'm a woman of great patience.
I can tolerate annoying people, screaming babies, long lines and other situations that tend to drive most people crazy.

Problem is, when it comes to relationships I freak out and can't sleep until I get all my questions answered.
I know everything needs time, blah, blah, and getting there is half the fun, lalala, but STILL! I WANT IT NOW!
I want to know what's going to happen and how this is all going to play out! Who's gonna be left standing and who's gonna win the big prize? OOOOoooh, what's going to HAPPEN???

I'm sparkly.

that's what Charissa said this morning. Guess I was just still excited about last nights yoga/chill out party and hopeful that today would provide me plenty of opportunities to flirt with my latest crushes.

And yes, it did.

Ahhhh, I watched in awh as Alton Brown recited his wise, articulate verse for the last time this season....and Chef Jay's always rambling on about something but I'm too busy staring at his snazzy new haircut to really hear a thing.

All in a day's work.

Sometimes it feels like my whole world is crashing down

at my feet and I think "WHY? What the fuck?! What is wrong with people? Why are they all so crazy??"

then David so kindly reminds me of 2 vital lessons we learned in 2002:

1. Girls are Crazy.

2. Boys are Stupid.

....and it helps me make sense of it everytime.

Having a bad day.

Couldn't sleep well last night cause I was thinking about my bad habits and the fucked up slacker shit I do sometimes. It affects other people and I don't always care that much. I'm selfish. I make plans and break them. I'd rather be by myself more than with most people.
I spend money to feel better. I don't invite anyone so no one will question my purchases. I buy too much disposable shit. I tell myself I NEED to buy things but that's just cause I want them so bad.
Wallow, wallow.

AND, I wallow too- UGH.

How dare I forget

the people who share some weird psychic energy with me. Whenever I think about them alot, they turn up. Seriously, you just know when you're on my mind. How the fuck do you do that??!

Anyway, thanks Jen (and Jay too) for contributing to this friend-filled birthday experience!

Thanks mom for poppin' me out.

Thanks to my homies for getting my birthday celebrations started 6 days early, to Emeril for pouring glasses of Prosecco and starting my birthday with a BANG (HA! couldn't do it), to candles in chocolate cheesecake, to Lewis and the band for the huge bouquet, to Robert for carrying all my flowers, and to free PBR at the Hogpit.

To Quinn and John for still being good friends and letting me tend to your wounds.

To Karen and Jon and Cheeky and Laurea and DY (by phone counts) for ringing in the first few minutes of my new year!

To Nick for being a meticulous tile layer and growing me a sunflower. To Pop Tarts and Gatorade, and the water taxi!

To Karen for always showing up no matter what!, to Marco the MINI convertible, to driving with the top down, to the sun and the monarch butterflies (38 of them!) flying down Washington Street, to Karma Kafe's lunch buffet, to Danny for holding down Hoboken with that same stoned smile, and to the Egyptian singing car attendant for the lil' diddy.

To Genevieve for patiently waiting, Charlotte for showing me dead mice, Sophia for dancing, Terhune Orchards for having the best apple cider donuts and apples- Macouns, Jonathans, Macintosh, and Jonagolds. There's gonna be some baking this weekend!

To my momma, Billy and Zari and Amanda and my Uncle Brian for sending me birthday wishes.

THANKS ALL!!! My birthday's always a big deal to me and this one was no disappointment.

The vibe is energized by the presence of my spirit.

This birthday started almost a week early but I guess that's cause there's so much fun to be had- couldn't possibly cram it into only one day.

Holy shit these days have be FUN!!!


For the first time in my life I truly and thoroughly derived pleasure from driving a car. Jay would be proud.

Like that scene from Ferris Bueller's day off, we just cruised around the city with the top down and wind in our hair and tried to find fun places to catch some speed. Coney Island, the Verrazano and back, and all around Brooklyn and Manhattan. It was really swell and we'll definitely do it again. ZipZIPcar we love you!

Say you just can't live in a negative way!

Speaking when I've got something on my mind. Knowing when to hold my tongue. Feeling all I've been working on come together. Keeping my eye on the bigger picture, the picture keeps getting bigger! Realizing who's always by my side no matter what goes down and loving them unconditionally. Finding people who inspire me. Listening to the wisdom falling from wise lips. Laughing at the lessons I'm learning that I wish I would have learned the first time. Longing to see what's coming next and after that and after that.

I didn't feel much.

When I saw you crossing the street I just felt "HOLY SHIT!" escape from my lips. I couldn't see you for a second as you chose which way to turn but I sat very still cause I just knew that you were coming in my direction. I felt a warm wave rush over me as I sat there waiting to see if you were still coming closer.

Sure enough there you were, just feet from me for the first time in almost 2 years. It was like a scene I had seen many times before- you squeezed your phone between your chin and shoulder so you could reach in your pocket and pull out a cigarette. Before it was lit you were gone.

Out of habit I kind of wanted to call out to you- a long lost friend. Maybe you're lost, maybe not. But you're surely not a friend so I just put my lips back up to my straw and went back to enjoying my smoothie and staring at all the interesting people passing by.

I think it's dreadful

and incredibly scary and sad that my cousin just graduated from high school and has enlisted in the army. Not completely surprising but shocking all the same.

I want to cry and scream really really loud!

I don't do it on the regular but I'm going to make sure that from this day on I spend a few minutes everyday talking to some higher power. I'll be begging to keep what little bit of family I have safe and sane. *sigh*


Hootie the Blowfish are/is(?!) playing at the first show I helped produce!
That ain't bad. Not at all.
Sept 19th y'all if you want to come and check it out!

Do people really fly around in spaceships near the moon?

What the F*#k?! Today I stood by and witnessed a whole conversation between someone sitting right in front of me and 3 men floating around inside a ship somewhere in space- in REAL time!!! Totally mind blowing. Wow.

Um, did I tell you how much I love my job?

Well, first of all I'm officially full-time! Whoo-hooo. Insurance, paid days off, and my name on the outside of a cubicle . For the most part, good things.

Today I got to spend the last 2 hours screening and analyzing possible new shows. Both were quite snazzy and I'd watch more (IF I had cable and all!).

And I got free lunch too!

Can't remember

my schedule being this booked. Sometimes I've been busy and I end up running around doing social stuff for days in a row but I think this is the first time I had to mark my calendar because I have a commitment every night. Pretty exciting too cause either they're dates for flirting or cutting hair. I can't ask for more! Having so much damn fun right now...

Bad ass bitch.

Yup, we're figuring it all out over bottles of wine...too much wine...I'll fine you...

Sometimes it freaks me out

how when I get into something I get REALLY INTO it. It's a fineline between excitement and obsession.

As much as I talk about how much fun

I have at my job, it IS still a JOB and sometimes sucks.
Like today.

I'm afraid to ask anymore.

I keep getting the same answer.
I think I'm under some curse that's only letting me have crushes on boys named 'Alex'. It's pretty weird. I don't even remember knowing ANY before June and now I know I've made out with like 5 of them! I'm totally exaggerating but seriously, it's strange. I know I always date the same TYPE of guy but now I only like only one NAME?! What have I created?!!
Maybe it's because I like too many boys right now and at least if they all have the same name I'll never get confused? Hahaha.


Picked up my diploma yesterday and drank some nice Prosecco to celebrate. Got some snazzy red nailpolish on and am ready for the super social weekend I have ahead. OH YEAH!!!

White. Garish. Creepy. Old. Fat.

Taffeta. Matching dresses. Swords. Tuxedos. Banquet halls. Tiaras. Thrones. Podiums.


The girls are back in town!

Ahhh, Vermont...we're so in love with you! Well, you know, we love you each in our own way. Like Fatty LOVES to eat toads and roll in deer shit. and I LOVE sunbathing in my hammock and gardening at the farm.

Either way, we'll see ya again real soon.

and since I'm at it

you know what else bugs me? When people tell me they'll meet me at some ungodly hour, I actually get up and get ready, and then they show up like 3 hours later. I could have been sleeeeping still!
If I go with the 'look on the bright side of things' theory though I have to admit that I don't mind much seeing the sun rise...but there are some weird creatures (besides me, thank you) out on the streets of Brooklyn at 5am.

and since I'm sitting here already- Thanks Gen for responding to me here (I KNOW, David, you tried and I finally figured it out so try again, please!) However, I can't reveal the name of the married cheater here but I'll tell you when I see you next weekend!

It really fucking bugs me

when I find out that someone I know who's MARRIED is running around fucking someone else! and this isn't the first time I've had to know about someone's scandal like this.

It's a fucked up thing to do PERIOD but I feel even more unsettled if you're a woman. You should know better and care more than that. What kind of character do you have if you are 30 years old and married to someone but have no respect for him even though you go home to him every night? It's really really fucked. If your husband doesn't fuck you like you'd like to be fucked than leave him! It seems like it always gets revealed in the end though so eventually it'll work out. Your husband is kind of dumbass though cause I'm sure he senses somethings up but he doesn't want to believe his gut because he TRUSTS YOU. Fuuuuuck.

I've been there (on both sides) and it's just such a shitty thing to betray the trust of someone like that. I wish I never found out when it happened to me. It just made me feel like there's no one in the world who could be worthy of my trust. Stop it.

I stole this from Laurie Stone.

The thing about writing (as with sex) is that when I’m not doing it I forget how I exist in it.

Grillz, they stoopid, uh, hyphy!...?

"Grillz" the latest example of human decoration

By Jerry Large

My wife dropped a printout of a Web ad for Mr. Bling on my desk the other day.

The advertisement was for grillz. She'd done some research after our son, who is 14, had shown her a video in which flashing grillz left her aghast.
I'm not talking about the grills you saw advertised as ideal Father's Day gifts, but rather grillz: mouth jewelry, inserts of gold usually, sometimes encrusted with diamonds, that fit over a person's front teeth like Halloween fangs. It's a rap thing mostly: a convergence of tribalism and commercialism, a statement about community and the consumer.

The oral inserts have been around for years, but recently have been growing in popularity among young teens, hence my wife's reaction.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that to most adult eyes grillz look ridiculous. Plus they can be efficient incubators of bacteria.

Of course to someone trying to make a statement, none of that would be a deterrent. In fact, adult repulsion would be a bonus and bacteria irrelevant. Women who wear stiletto heels are willing to risk future back problems for immediate oohs and ahs. People want to look cool, whatever cool happens to be in a given place and time.

We shouldn't be surprised by the arrival of decorated teeth. Remember the man who was found frozen and preserved in the Alps in 1991? He was 5,300 years old and he had tattoos. So body decoration is not just for the young — OK, he wasn't that old when he got the tattoos.

People have always decorated themselves. And Americans are always coming up with something new, so tricked-out teeth were inevitable.

Decorative retainers are popular, so why not take things another step?

A couple of generations ago, gold teeth were in with some folks. Years ago, my mother had gold on a couple of front teeth, but a new dentist talked her into letting him remove them. When she was young they were cool with her crowd.

Every group has its own thing: piercings for some, tattoos for others. People tan, dye, enhance and otherwise tinker with just about every body part. Lips get fattened, thighs shrunk.

Some American Indians strapped babies into devices that flattened their heads.

Victorians strapped women into corsets, and even removed ribs to give them tinier waists.

There've been a number of cultures in which people filed their teeth, which is certainly more dramatic than buying grillz.

My son told me about a place near his middle school where a person could get grillz, but he said they are mostly big in the Bay Area with the hyphy (pronounced hy-FEE) crowd. He thumbed his iPod and played a song by Baby Faced Assassins and hooked me up with a tune by Keak Da Sneak, who supposedly coined the term (hyphy = hyper). They was stupid ridiculous; some nice music, though the lyrics could be refined a bit.

Grillz are part of the hyphy group identity, but the look is spreading.

Grill wearers may think of themselves as rebels, but they are the ultimate celebrators of the consumer economy.

You can show off your wealth with grillz that cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars, just like watches. You know, there are functional watches and there are status-announcement watches. I saw a bunch in The New York Times last week in a photo spread on upscale jewelry. One watch cost $320,000, another $567,000.

Making a statement on your wrist is more subtle than declaring yourself with a blinding smile, but it amounts to the same thing.

And grillz aren't so bad. For one thing, they get gangsta-tough guys to smile — at least until their teeth fall out.

Jerry Large: 206-464-3346 or jlarge@seattletimes.com.

His column runs Thursdays and Sundays and is found at www.seattletimes.com/columnists.

Copyright © 2006 The Seattle Times Company

I don't know why they did it

but it made my day to be told to go downstairs and get some ice cream. Especially cause I can't eat much else with these sore teeth.

and CUPcake flavor??? Damn, I love my job.

I'm 2 pieces less myself.

Wish I would have confidence sooner that it wasn't so bad to get my wisdom teeth out. Doc just went in and plucked those 2 suckers right out! It was shockingly easy. When that novocaine wore off though I was hella glad I had some codeine to pop! Kind of a bummer that they wouldn't let me keep them but I'm trying so hard to be less of a pack rat these days so it's fine.

I was bloody and sore but I'm being fed baby food and ice cream (cherry vanilla, my fav) so I'm feeling better every second.
Thanks y'all for being so comforting and kind these days!

Thanks Aaron Comess

we missed you while you were out but we held down the fort while you were gone.

I got a pocketful of Cryptonite....I..I got a pocket full OF (pause) cryptonite!

Jeez, what's the summer got in store for me

when I feel like I've already accomplished most of my summertime missions? The first day of summer isn't even officially here yet!
The fabulous weekends just keep coming with each one leaving me more inspired than the last. And there's no end in sight cause this weekend we're headed out to the woods somewhere upstate.
Oooooh I love how summertime rolls.

Tony Fasarakis was murdered

this morning at Club Soma in Astoria, Queens.

My ass crack's a hit once again!

I held the door for the girl behind me as I left the Diaz grocery with my toilet paper and paper towels.
She followed me down the block and told me "girl, your ass is hanging out! I can see your crack...You got a quarter for the phone?"
I mumbled "No." and pushed open the door to my building and went inside.

I remember writing this down

in my journal. I went around reading it to everyone I knew. Don't know where I heard it but today Elina reminded me how amazing it is!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

My momma sent me this

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.


I can't wait to go to Vermont this weekend. Never been before. Looking forward to a nice car ride then 3 days with nothing to do but run around with Fatty and chill, chill, chill! WHoooooohoooo.


Sometimes I have to admit that working at the food network is one of the coolest places I could dream of! I just went upstairs to visit my friend who's helping to pack up the 'Guy's Big Bite' set and was totally shocked to find that they were giving away shitloads of brand new cookware! YUP, still in the wrapper, stainless steel pots, pans, steamers, trivets....all things that are desperately needed in apt 9. Now, who's comin' to dinner??!

You'll never look at HE MAN quite the same.

Elina was distracting me all day today cause she was laughing her ass off to this. She was going for so long I had to ask if she was ok cause I couldn't hear her breathe back in! You must see what all the hype's about:


Make the best of that anxious energy!

We've all been in hyper freak out mode at apt #9 this week. Luckily last night we pooled our energy and made a cute little project together. It's a thank you card with a backdrop of a mountain and lake with a bike that you can move along the length of it.
Sort of like a kids pop up, pull out book!

We cut and glued and pasted it all together in a funny DIY punk kinda way.
We made use of popsicle sticks, magazine cutouts, pliers, and cardboard.
No exacto knife? Use your kitchen knife to cut the cardboard held taut between the legs of you and your roommate! No good glue? Use your glue stick where possible then use LOTS of tape!

It was a blast. I'm going to finish it up tonight but now I'm wondering how the heck am I gonna pack and send this thing?!

You would be a total dumb ass not to call me.

Unfortunately there's a fair possibility that you are. Could go either way.

Alot of people have their shit together less than they seem to.
Alot of times any tug on the heart causes immediate shut down.
Alot of times I say 'fair enough, this kind of shit sucks and isn't worth it.'

But this time I have to admit that behind my back I have my fingers crossed.

It's snacktime again

and again and again. Sometimes I love the chillness of this job but other times I miss the hustle of retail. There's too much time for me to wander around and collect delicious goodies to devour....

Maya Angelou says:

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she
handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

I do agree.

I did this one just cause my mom swore publicly that I wasn't gonna. Humph.

But, uh, we can stop with them now.

Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones
you have not, and send it to all of your friends (including me).

This is for your entire life:

(X) Smoked a cigarette.

(X) Drank so much you threw up.

( ) Crashed a friend's car.

(X) Stolen a car.

(X) Been in love.

(X) Been dumped.

(X) Gone skinny dipping.

(X) Shoplifted.

(X) Been fired/laid off.

(X) Quit your job.

(X) Snuck out of your parent's house.

(X) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

(X) Been arrested.

( ) Gone on a blind date.

(X) Lied to a friend.

(X) Skipped school.

( ) Seen someone die.

(x) Been to Canada.

(X) Been to Mexico.

(x) Been on a plane.

(x) Been lost.

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country.

(X) Gone to Washington, DC.

(X) Swam in the ocean.

(X) Cried yourself to sleep.

(X) Played cops and robbers.

(X) Recently colored with crayons.

(x) Sang karaoke.

(X) Paid for a meal with only coins.

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.

(X) Made prank phone calls.

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.

(X) Danced in the rain.

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus.

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about.

(X) Blown bubbles recently.

(X) Made a bonfire on the beach.

(X) Crashed a party.

(X) Gone roller-skating.

(x) Gone ice-skating.

1. Any nicknames? damnsel.

2. Mother's name? Maureen

3. What is your favorite drink? tea

4. Tattoos? I have some.

5. Body piercing? Have less than I used to.

6. How much do you love your job? I really like all of them that's why I have no time for sleep.

7. Birthplace: Rochester, New York

8. Ever been to Africa? No

9. Ever steal any traffic signs? Took some home that I found on the street.

10. Ever been in a car accident? Yes

11. Owned a 2 Door or 4 Door? Have had both.

12. Salad dressing? Bleu Cheese

13. Favorite pie? Pudding.

14. Favorite number? 9.

15. Favorite movie? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Gene Wilder, of course!)

16. Favorite holiday? My birthday.

17. Favorite food? Pudding.

18. Favorite day of the week? Sunday

19. Favorite TV show? the Simpsons.

20. Toothpaste? Arm & Hammer. the white kind without peroxide.

21. Favorite smell? Wet dirt.

22. How do you relax? take a bath.

23. Message to your friends/family reading this: Wish you'd visit more!

24. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Wiser. Richer. Happier. Wrinklier. Gigglier.

25. What do you do when you are bored? Worry.

26. What do you enjoy receiving? Random acts of kindness.

27. Furthest place you will send this message? the internet.

28. Who will respond the fastest? my mom cause she's gonna want to know why I put an (X) next to "been arrested".

29. Least likely to respond? Does anyone even read this??

30. What time is it now? 4:38p.m.

Wish I woulda had this handy

a few years ago....well, I did but I passed it on and didn't keep it for myself; I guess that's ok too. But I have it here now and that's always good timing.


Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Too tired, busy, stressed, etc to write...

So you can read this writing from someone else:

Keeping Conscious
Staying Grounded In A Busy World

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down the world. You will also discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don't have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members - loved ones, friends, or neighbors - can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember that the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often "on the go" and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

I've seen more interesting ones

but since I took the time to email it back to the person that sent it to me I figured I might as well....it's been such a long time, my friend!

1. What is your occupation? I've been paid to: cut hair, do tv production stuff. Hmmm, and sometimes I'm a nanny and sometimes I silkscreen stuff.
2. What color is your underwear? white with orange and black bats on it. (today I'm wearing it inside out for some reason)
3. What are you listening to right now? Bad Card by Bob Marley.
4. What was the last thing you ate? coconut flan
5. Do you wish on stars? When I can see a bright one.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Magenta.
7. How is the weather right now? steamy (the radiators COOKin'!)
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some crazy Emeril Live fan.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? sure do.
11. Favorite drink? lychee ice.
12. Favorite sport to watch? basketball.
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? as my teacher says, "Honey, we DYE clothes and shoes; we COLOR hair."
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses!
15. Pets? 2 dogs
16. Favorite month? September
17. Favorite food? pudding.
18. What was the last movie you watched? does watching hours of HR PufnStuf count?
19. Favorite day of the year? my birthday.
20. What do you do to vent anger? walk really fast.
21. Fall or spring? spring
22. Hugs or kisses? hugs
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry
24. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? sure.
25. Who is most likely to respond 1st? .....
26. Who is least likely to respond? "Anyone I don't send this to"<-- agreed.
27. Who do you live with? 3 kinda lazy, messy creatures! haha.
28. When was the last time you cried? when I was looking at a pitbull rescue site and reading all the stories with happy endings.
29. What is on the floor of your closet? records, makeup, bags, shoes. It's really organized actually.
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? my mom
31. What did you do last night? colored my hair.
32. Favorite smell? wet dirt.
33. What inspires you? waking up in the morning.
34. What are you afraid of losing? the keys I got today at my job with a sticker that reads 'IMPORTANT'.
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? don't eat burgers but I love to eat anything spicy enough to make my nose run.
36. Favorite vehicle? my bike.
37. Favorite dog breed? anything cute.
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 5
39. How many years at your current job? little over a year.
40. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
41. How many cities have you lived in/name them? 8: Webster, Victor, Farmington, East Rochester, Annandale-On-Hudson, Red Hook, Manhattan, Brooklyn.
42. What would you rather be doing right now? Shit, I'm supposed to be walking the dogs....

Love Lisa.

When a woman cuts off all her hair

she MUST be going through some serious shit.
It's about bravery and control, I think. Probably some defiance in there too. DAMN!
It sure is drastic whatever the reason...nothing more to hide behind...it's very revealing...Wow!

Have to say though that it is surely a haircutter's wet dream come true...ahhhh...that was FUN!

No Whammies, No whammies!

R.I.P. the guy who hosted Press Your Luck.

Awh man, that was one of my favorite shows to watch when I played sick and stayed home from skool in junior high...that and the Love Boat.

Let the decorating begin!

Moved into my new space today. Started off today with the food network tradition of windexing EVERYTHING. Tomorrow I'm moving in the good tunes and a plant or 2....

Calling all pancake lovers!!!

Next Sunday put on your finest duds cause we're heading waaaaay uptown to the only IHOP in Manhattan! It's 135th and Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Blvd.


Check this:


Damn, the janitor in this place must think I'm such a hog. Everyday my tiny little garbage bin is overflowing with wrappers from breakfast, lunch, dessert, and midday snacks. By the time I leave I've eaten enough for the whole day. Good thing my schedule keeps me runnin'!


Please note: Drinking more lemon balm makes it feel better.

Lunch dates are for Career Girls!

This tidal wave of old friends washed up at my feet.

Not sure what to do with them; I had let them go and now they've come back.

Gonna just collect them for now cause they're all so pretty.

When I'm done looking at them closer I'll know what to do.


That's what SpongeBob is saying from the bandaid covering my left knuckle.
I ran out of the Little Twin Stars ones and bought these the other night when I felt some skin flapping in the wind.

My hands are a mess from cutting so much. I felt like a warrior at the competition when my finger was dripping blood and I still kept at it.
But now I realize it's also quite ghetto and I need to get out of the habit of finding it amusing cause I think it'll scare someone eventually.

Charlie Tuna's voice just DOES something to me!

Puurrrrrr. I had forgotten how much I love hearing him...

How could BOTH Jurassic 5 cds have disappeared? I don't know how I end up with 2 (maybe from living with DY?!) but I did and was stoked. But now- Poof!

AND: I killed at my haircut competition!!! (even though everyone was told not to act like I was there.) ARRRRRGGH!!!!

and then

I saw a photo of my ex naked, covered in blood, passed out in a bathtub; did an awesome haircut on a girl at my skool; dropped my expensive piece of cake on the floor seconds after I paid for it; just had one of the last boys I need to see show up at my desk this morning, announce that he's coming back to work here, and ask if he could leave his coat.

A rollercoaster

of a week, god damn! I found out I can't take a trip with my favorite people, heard from some long distance friends, got kicked out of a contest, was chosen for jury duty, got a raise. Phew, and it's only Thursday.

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

I always find myself in it. Especially when I'm trying hard to stay out of it. HMPH.

Ahhhh, if only.....


password: ironchef

Thanks Jessica for capturing my special few moments and also me BEing kind of Special!

When you're doing the right things

everything falls into place. It's really amazing that it's so true and yet so hard to live by. I'm tripping over all the great opportunities coming to me.

When did I become such a camera hog?

Well Cynthia might still be worse than me but she has that unbelievable smile; who could deny her.

Jessica sent me some photos of us on one of our party binges. Of course we are all looking FABULOUS!

I'm gonna try and figure out how to link to it from here. Don't know if I can give out the password. You simply MUST see them! Um, did I mention that I've been captured sitting next to ALTON BROWN. Ahhhhh...

Mojitos and uber geeks.

I've had the best time working and partying with such FABulous people. Really though, you all totally rock!!!

Anyway, what I was too exhausted to tell before was...The other night at the pre-unoffical wrap party Alton Brown bought us all a round of mojitos. He rolled in with Kevin a few drinks after the party began. Ahhh, I'm crushed forever.....

Were they just trying to make us feel better when they said Mario's party sucked?

We headed to the Real party and Kevin was buying us drinks there. Those guys are way generous (brilliant and kind and alittle bit nerd too! )

THEN I went to the bathroom and came out to all these random people making out! Oh well, it was all in fun. I had fresh jiffy pop and lovely new friends to eat it with.

And finally, does anyone know what the f**k happened to that awesome Wednesday night at Boysroom?!

At least now I have MONSTER.

SIGH. May the fun never end.

Alton Brown got me drunk

then Kevin Brausch got me wasted. More later....need sleep....

Ha, ha, ha! I totally forgot

about getting "santa spanks" from a transvestite dressed in a slutty santa costume. It was so dark and smoky in that basement I don't know what came over me.

That was so hilarious! At least I didn't give him my number...

You know I'm a dreamer...but my heart's of gold...

Ahhh, I fall in love so damn easily...

............it's just feeeels soooo gooood.

Snip, snip.

Thanks for trusting me with your hair. The list keeps getting longer and so far I'm pretty proud.

Do you know how beautiful you are?!?!

I love you and can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am.

My heart goes out to you Raymond. I am so shocked.

You and Tim are in my thoughts.

Note to self:

Step outside at least once a day and see the sun.

It's so fucking weird to wake up when it's dark, leave the house, be awake to work 14 hours, then get out and it's dark again (or STILL?!) Totally disorienting. But somehow a shitload of fun in between.

Damn! I thought it was funny last year

when I was getting to work at 9am. Today I'm starting a run and the call time's 7:30. Yeah, in the MORNING sort of 7:30! Hmmmm, not quite so funny.

Of course I tried to be all responsible and get in bed at 9:30 last night so I could get 8 hours of sleep. Unfortunately my body thought I was must be taking a quick party nap so I was wide awake by 3:30am and have been hanging around the house since then.

Ummm, did I mention that it's STILL FUCKING DARK! DAMN! At least I'll get a seat on the train...